We’ve officially been on the road for just over a month. Long enough, in our estimation, to be something of experts on the do’s and don’ts of road life and living in a travel trailer. So, you novices of the road, take heed. And to the fulltimers out there, prepare for a good laugh.

1. Know the size of your holding tank.

If you have a vintage trailer like us, chances are good the holding tank is small and/or nonexistent. Purchase a portable holding tank. It’ll change your life.

2. Steal condiments.

The ketchup bottle and jelly jar eat up valuable refrigerator space.

I'll take 25 ketchup packets with my #1, please.

3. Pack a toolbox.

Not only will you need it for your own trials and tribulations, but your dispatched AAA contractor might need them, too.

4. Get a space heater with a timer.

Sleeping cold is good. Going to bed cold is not good.

5. Get a longer hose.

Every park site and hookup is different. You never know what side the water will be on.

6. Download podcasts ahead of time. Especially in west TX.

Streaming quality when you’ve got 1x service will spawn multiple curse words.

I swear I'm just working -- totally not downloading the Fargo Season 2 or 25 WTF interviews.

7. Google maps wants you to take the frontage road.

We don’t know why, it just does. It will get you on the Interstate. Eventually.

8. Your dog will never stop trying to sleep in bed with you.

Can you blame him?

He will always think this is normal. But then again, you don't really mind, do you?

9. You need less stuff than you think.

Clutter is a luxury when you live in 120 square feet.

10. Bring sanitizer wipes and your own TP.

State parks can be a real pain in the ass.

11. When the mechanic tells you it’s not urgent, get it fixed immediately.

Save that one free AAA tow for another time.

Carson's expression says it all: DO NOT get stuck waiting at the Walmart for your tire to get fixed. Fix it. Now.

12. Make a checklist. Check it twice.

Did you unplug the electrical? Did you put in the blocks? Is Mel still in the trailer?

13. Don’t count on internet at state parks. Even when listed as available.

No, you cannot stream Netflix. Feel lucky you can check email.

14. Reserve the time you need Then add two days.

You’ll be surprised how quickly time passes when you’re hitching and unhitching all the time.

15. Make friends with the campground host.

It’s good to have friends in high places.

Thanks, Bruce and Connie, for the amazing apple pie!

16. Get a shower caddy. And shower shoes.

Public bath houses. Need we say more?

17. If fellow campers invite you over for drinks, say yes.

Your parents didn’t sendyou to camp so you could sit in your bunk all day.

18. Remember: you’re camping.

Go hike. Watch the sunset. You’ve had enough screen time today.

#GTFoutthere Isn't that what your road trip is all about anyway?

19. Microwave your own food at convenience stores.

Remember when fast food was cheap? Yea, it’s not anymore. Last night’s spaghetti is still in the fridge. Most modern gas stations have a microwave.

20. Scott Auckerman makes a great travel companion.

The witty, light-hearted banter between Scott Auckeman and friends will keep you entertained on the road for hours. Try Comedy Bang Bang or You Talkin’ U2 to Me?

21. Stay at state parks.

They’re cheaper, less crowded and there’s a helluva lot more of ‘em. Call ahead if you’re arriving after sundown.

Can you do this at an RV park? Probably. But you'll enjoy it a helluva lot more at a state park. And for a fraction of the price.

22. Always say hi to the neighbors. Even when they’re kind of scary.

If they go postal, maybe – just maybe – they’ll spare you.

23. If keeping a travel journal, don’t play catch up.

You already forgot the name of your campground. And your campsite number.

24. Get more Verizon data than you think you need.

One accidental download will cost you. Literally.

25. Look out for El Nino.

With this weather system, your pipes can still freeze. Even when you’re just miles north of the Mexican border.

It's raining. And cold everywhere. But we're not letting El Nino slow us down.

26. Drink box wine.

You need a drink. And bumpy highways and glass bottles don’t mix.

27. Keep your eyes open for wildlife.

Armadillos, javelinas, road runners. We’ve seen them all and we’re only four states in.

28. Make sure you have a good water filter.

It may be overkill, but chances are you’ll feel better drinking it.

29. Tell people you’re from Nebraska.

You’ll be the first or second Nebraskan they’ve met. And they’ll either praise you or pity you.

Ashton Kutcher took pity on us. Decided to throw a couple of Nebraskans a bone while we were visiting New Orleans.